Its like Venom inside me

It starts in my brain. Every now and then I can feel certain parts of my brain start to strain, like its cramping or contracting and then it creeps down in to my chest and just sits there for about a day or 2. The chest thing... if Im able to shake that, then its only my brain I have to worry about. Lucky me.

Then, what I should do, is chain myself in a room and wait till the full moon passes. For my transformation is a very pathetic site indeed. It is during these times that everyone should avoid me, or I should have my connection with any people in my life cut off. My mothers behavior taught me this. It is during these times where I do the majority of the damage to my personal relationships. I remember how it was for my dad dealing with my mom. No wonder God is sparing someone from me.

After 2 days, it slowly dissipates and usually goes away after a gym visit or after work. Then Im allowed to roam around the country and try and be productive, till it hits again.

As I've gotten older, the sensations have become more discernible than before. In high school, I'm sure people just thought I was moody... well sure! I guess I was! I guess I still am. And I wish I had more control over this passenger that's like acid to my life.

Onward, and sideways...

Somethings wrong with me?

You ever hit one of these walls and you're like... it seems like everyone is doing everything you've wanted to do all of your life, and in the mean time, while you go for the difficult stuff and it takes a lot longer and may or may not ever happen... anyways...

Things take a long time in the film world. And honestly, I can only HOPE that it will actually become a reality. I have no idea if it really will or not. I have no idea if God will actually let it happen.

God really wants us to experience the journey, so since there is actually a beginning and an end to each movie I make, I have no idea if I will ever see the end result.

I want to accomplish a lot but I constantly feel exhausted by projects. I have a very hard time trying to get into another project when it seems I'm starting from scratch again. These youtube fools have teams of support and business partners and I don't. I've tried to recruit but it always fails. I want to come across the people that are hungry for it. Hopefully I will someday, because I dont want to be stuck in my part time job, gaining weight and lying on the floor every Sunday waiting for the wind to blow something my way.

Im exhausted. There is no vacation in sight. Vacations cost money, and I have none.

Thanks.