I just want to write something.
I have been in a rut lately. Not that there's anything new with me and ruts...
It is hard to have an inkling of creativity when you have no idea why things just don't go in a positive way. Especially work wise. I was hoping to have a little bit of income. Enough to do things with, but alas, the universe sees fit to starve my bank account. I've tried to get clients. I've followed up. I've done everything I needed to do to get more jobs, but nothing has come of it besides one gig for a DJ from CA. It turned out to be ridiculous, and a super hassle. They screwed me out of 100 dollars.
I've been working on a film for 2.5 years. It's nearing productions (or so we think). I have been effectively cut out as director as of today. It's not fair whatsoever. It's horrible. It's depressing. I've also been pushed out of being the Lead Producer, even though it's my project and I have been the spear head the whole time. I get things done. It's not fair. It's horrible. It's depressing. They're probably not going to let me act in my project. They're only going to let me be a Producer.
The night is young as far as this project goes. I still want to direct it. I don't really see a good project for me on the horizon. And if I don't direct this one, I probably wont be able to direct anything for a good long time.
Last week, I was in LA with a friend. I had an impression, while praying in humble supplication with God, that it was not going to be a productive week. God was right. We met with the bank, which was a meeting we really didn't need to have IMO. It could've been done without us there. I didn't get to have my directors meeting because the dist company fellows skipped town. I made a great presentation, spent money to get it printed and bound, and didn't even get an interview. The whole point of the trip was for me to interview to be the Director of my own project, which isn't my project anymore. I spent 3 days of the trip in a super depression. Plus, I had 3 dollars to my name.
There are many other facets that tail along with this story, but I shall refrain from exposing them on the web. I just wanted to complain, and feel validated, something-dated. Dated even. But I'm none of those either.
