Zombie Man

Since Saturday, I have been in a constant state, and it really hasn't varied, unless I do not think about it. I feel like throwing up. It is constantly in my throat and chest and I feel like throwing up from trauma all the time. I haven't ever felt like this and I am pretty good at hiding my emotions so I am dealing with it, but my constant state of living is what is doing it to me. I'm so helpless. I'm at the mercy of others.  And I have no choice, and that makes me want to vomit, all of the time apparently. Prayer doesn't make it go away. In fact God is silent. I am really on the path of doom. I feel like I'm just trying to be optimistic as I'm going to the hangman's noose. But what is there really?! I don't know. Whatever it is, if it is, its hidden, and I'm going to throw up on it when I find it, just for good measure.

99 things I've done since High School

1. Moved out of the house

2. Been to two colleges (SUU and WSU)

3. Served a mission (pittsburg, PA)

4. Lived in dorms for 3 years cause I liked it there.

5. Worked for the Utah Shakespeare Festival and wore a silly hat.

6. Was part of a Kissing booth

7. Got braces off

8. Fell in love with a girl.

9. Got crushed by that girl.

10. Wrote a screenplay about another girl.

11. Got told to go away by that girl.

12. Had perogies.

13. Went skydiving

14. Worked for Orkin Pest control

15. Attended my Mothers funeral

16. Dealt with worse depression than I really knew I had

17. Laid on the floor for a month cause I pinched a nerve in my back during West Side Story

18. Got "martyred" by a theater department

19. got over it.

20. Got martyred by another theater department, but overcame.

21. Took Earthquakes and Volcanoes 2 times, and barely passed.

22. baptised 12 people

23. Watched a family in Ohio explode and recover.

24. Watched an alcoholic quit drinking and smoking because she believed.

25. Filmed and edited my first short film "Yard Sale" still a hit.

26. Went to Medieval Times with my long lost brother by sheer happenstance.

27. Wrote a play that got invited to a national festival.

28. Cheated on a girlfriend.

29. Studied to be a personal trainer.

30. Worked in Jackson Hole WY in a Summerstock theater company.

31. Moved in to a friends basement.

32. Fell in love 3 times in a row and got smashed 3 times in a row. (I know how to choose em)

33. Fostered a dog for 2 weeks. (Senor)

34. Worked at a tv station.

35. Lived in Cincinnati

36. Learned texas holdem.

37. Said goodbye to a home.

38. Cried because my cat was my only good friend

39. watched 10 years fly by.

40. Doubted myself.

41. Tried to start my own company

42. Traveled to DC and trooped around in the freezing rain to sight see while everyone else wussed out.

43. Choreographed half of a show 

44. gained 30 lbs, some muscle

45. Got in a car wreck.

46. Spent New Years in Vegas 2 times.

47. Bought an Ipod for my own birthday.

48. got stood up on my birthday 2 times

49. Flew first class for free

50. Discovered text messaging

51. Joined and improv trouppe

52. Watched a dog chase a duck about a quarter mile

53. Had all night Starcraft parties.

54. bought a mac. (everyone should)

55. Broke a finger during a sword fight.

56. Actually stayed in a class after the teacher rolled her eyes at me

57. Voted for someone not on the ballot (Mitt Romney)

58. Read the Declaration of Independence

59. Read the Book of Mormon 9 times

60. Ignored my 10 year class reunion. Actually replied to the invite "hell no"

61. Got a speeding ticket.

62. Been saved by an Angel

63. Camped out for Lord of the Rings, Return of the King.

64. Camped out for Star Wars II

65. Watched my truck burn down.

66. Had a fit of Karaoke

67. Sang in SUU Idol and didnt make it past the 1st round.

68. got 2nd place at NATS in Las Vegas 2 times.

69. Went to 6 flags.

70. Lost my sex drive

71. Had my arms and neck waxed.

72. Painted my nails cause I was so artsy cool

73. Took Karate classes

74. Competed in a sound design competition

75. Forgot lyrics on stage. (like drinking acid death)

76. Found gray hairs in my head.

77. Went whitewater rafting 2 times

78. Decided that people ruin other peoples lives.

79. Weaned myself from mountain dew.

80. Worked as a vynl siding construction worker.

81. Saw Stxy and Reo Speedwagon in concert

82. Went to my Grandmas funeral 

83. Saw Columbine on the news

84. Watched the 2nd Iraq war unfold.

85. Watched America vote someone they didn't know in to the presidency.

86. became financially independent (yeah right, what a joke, help me I'm drowning)

87. Nurtured a grapevine

88. Took out my endowments

89. Been so confused about life that I stopped functioning.

90. Started a blog.

91. Stalked a beauty queen cause she wouldn't return my phone calls

92. Saw Blue Man Group

93. Regained my love for football and basketball

94. Realized theater wastes your time. (beware)

95. Downloaded and watched a lot of tv 

96. Was in a chamber choir for 3 years (best college experience I had)

97. Borrowed money from someone not in my family

98. Played spin the bottle

99. had 10 birthdays, another one in a week