Zombie Man

Since Saturday, I have been in a constant state, and it really hasn't varied, unless I do not think about it. I feel like throwing up. It is constantly in my throat and chest and I feel like throwing up from trauma all the time. I haven't ever felt like this and I am pretty good at hiding my emotions so I am dealing with it, but my constant state of living is what is doing it to me. I'm so helpless. I'm at the mercy of others.  And I have no choice, and that makes me want to vomit, all of the time apparently. Prayer doesn't make it go away. In fact God is silent. I am really on the path of doom. I feel like I'm just trying to be optimistic as I'm going to the hangman's noose. But what is there really?! I don't know. Whatever it is, if it is, its hidden, and I'm going to throw up on it when I find it, just for good measure.