During the course of my life I've felt like I've been consistently put on the "B" team.
It all started in 7th grade, when I tried out for the school basketball team and was told by one of the coaches that I didn't make the A team as a point guard because I was "needed" on the B team to help make them better. Now that's the type of gobble de gook you eat as a kid, and I ate it wanting to play basketball and win some games.
I'd consistently drive down the lane and dish the ball. Years later, I have no idea what my percentages were, but I'm sure there is some game film on vhs somewhere in my dads house right now. I did my job and I tried to do it well, but when you play with the B team, you don't progress past B team skill because you don't play with A team players very consistently. That year I got in to the finals of a free throw shooting contest between me and Scott (last name forgotten) the quarterback of the football team, taller than I was, weighed more and I believe was also the pitcher on the baseball team.
First round I made 9 of 10 shots and so did he. Second round I made 8, he made 9. There was no applause, there were no trophies. I think a new basketball was at stake.
From that point on, I played on alternate teams. I strive-d to be a better player. There was only one guy that could dribble as good as I can with my left hand, and he was a black kid from central and he was left handed.
Then came high school. I made the freshman basketball team, only to sit bench and play 2 minutes average a game. I always got fouled. I always scored 2 free throws.
I injured my back that year, in a game, and the coach ignored it. I asked to be taken out of a game after going up for a rebound and tweaking my back. I had to go to the doctor to get it re adjusted a couple of times. I also got expelled for throwing a fit at a school vice principal because they wouldn't tell me why I was in the principals office. Later I found out my mom had called them to get me because I brought a smoke flair as a white elephant gift to first period seminary. So, that drove me nuts, and got me expelled for a day. The coach asked me why I did it, and I told him the truth, but it was like he didn't want to believe me.
Later that year at basketball camp for JV, the JV coach paired me up with a guy that was taller and probably 30 lbs heavier than me and kept running a box out drill that I couldn't do because Seth kept pushing me over. Since I felt the coach was a dick about it, I did not show up for JV tryouts the next year.
So I moved on to soccer. Soccer I excelled at, or maybe I just had a really good coach that placed me well as a JV player. I played a lot that year, with my friends, on a pretty decent team. I had fun, felt needed, and skilled.
Junior year, I took a skills camp, that was like 6 hours a day for a week, from some dutch coaches, and my skills were top notch. I felt like I was a magical master but when it came time for tryouts, I didn't make the team. New coach that year. I did play my senior year, but sat bench the majority of the time. The coach was a dick and we still make fun of him. So... whatever.
Now, when it comes to theater, I've never been a slouch (or so I've thought) I've almost always had really good success. I felt successful in high school, but at SUU I felt like I was always looked over, or passed over, or this or that. Maybe I was, maybe I was just too young looking for anything. Maybe I sucked.
I finally got an award my junior year, playing a schizophrenic boy in an over religious house hold. I got the part because I was one of two people to audition. The author said he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to play the part. I didn't believe him, but I took it for what it was worth.
After my mission, I landed a bunch of roles at WSU, but I felt like I was just seizing an opportunity because I was the only straight and masculine male at the school. Plus, I looked like I was 26 or older so I had that going for me against these skinny guys. I captured several awards and felt like I excelled.
Out of college, it has been quite a struggle, because I get hired on to do stuff, but then never hear back from crews or agencies after. A production house here in Utah hired me to do some stuff, and then I broke my leg, and then they thought I was lying to them to get out of being a Productions Assistant because I had taken an acting role in which I had to ride a horse and fell off of the horse, and the DP told the production house they saw me there and so the production house didn't want to "take the time to figure me out."
I always seem to be misunderstood. The most crippling thing that has every consistently happened to me in my life is no one having the balls to give me feedback, especially when I ask for it. This could also be an issue for me, because I do give feedback and am honest and straight forward. Maybe it is the state I am in. Maybe the people cannot handle it.
I never know if I piss someone off or if they don't like me, or if I'm forgotten about. This is also a recent occurrence and has bent on me financially. I'm kind of the backup to the backup. I don't feel like I'm B team material anymore, especially in this field. I don't want to be on the B team.
I actually don't want to have a team classification, I just don't want to play on the B team anymore. I want to play on the A team. I try and conduct myself as an A player, so I can get those opportunities of which I desire, but the opportunities are slim pic kin's, and the A players are even more sparse.
Problem being.... How do you play with the A team when you've been playing with the B team so long? And when my time does come to hit the court, how on earth will I know if my skills will be good enough to rise to the occasion?
Oilpan.
