Or is it just me?!
Cause you know it be goin down at my place.
First off, there has been a lot going through my head since I went to LA 2 weeks ago. A lot of information was dumped in to my little head. We also socialized a lot and made some connections. By the Monday of the trip, I needed a break. I went to the beach and dawned my chest to the ocean as it lapped around my ankles and knees. Trying to get as low as possible, I ducked my head in a couple times and lost my breath a couple times because of the temperature.
The significance of this event wasn't much. I stood out there and looked at the ocean and thought about how it brought so much joy to people, yet could be such a scary and devastating force.
I laid on the beach for an hour and listened to music until I was too cold to stay.
A typhoon hit Haiti a couple days later.
That night, I sat and ate seafood on the Santa Monica pier with a lovely, impressive, delicious woman. We finished and walked to the edge of the pier where gangsters were throwing fishing lines. One caught a crab and we took a gander at it as it pinched the walls of a bucket.
We talked about the universe, spirituality, how she thought a light coming towards us was one of those self lit lanterns. I thought it was a plane. It was.
The sea lions played in the water as we talked.
We walked back to the car, talking of books, and she drove me home where we stayed in her car for another hour talking about apostate dealings of Joseph Smith. It was probably one of the deepest conversations I have ever had or at least that I can recollect. I came away upset. I really like this girl, but hate the timing of our paths crossing again. I'm on a good path. She's on a journey.
So, the conversation got me to thinking and asking questions that I've never really asked before, or maybe I've never really taken them seriously. 1. Can you marry someone who's a non believer, and reconcile that with God? 2. What could I do from here for this human being? 3. WTF?
1. I came to the conclusion, just a few days ago that... yes, you can marry someone outside of the LDS faith, have a perfectly beautiful life, and progress from there. Maybe that's what you need. Maybe that's more beneficial to you and that's the path you've been given for several reasons. I laughed at myself for about 10 minutes. If this was to be my trial... yeah of course it was. Of course. Thanks a lot. But... someone's gotta do it.
2. Her spiritual journey had nothing to do with me. I read Ether 12:6 just haphazardly opening up the BOM for answers, and it said that you will receive no witness until after the trial of your faith, and as I read the rest of the chapter, I understood that this was not about me at all, and that I was not needed for this. All I could do was love her and be a sounding board of information, but not to push her one way or another. Which is a difficult thing, because I love spirited debate.
3. WTF! Yeah! WTF! My dad visited this weekend, and as we were talking over burgers at Culvers, I told him of the scenario. He said to me, "If you want to get married outside of the church, I will come to your wedding. (insert smile)." This took me by surprise. "But good luck." Said about the scenario and my decision making. Ultimately, I don't think its going to go anywhere. But it has been nice thinking about, figuring out, and finding out what is up.
Its' distressed me, I'm not gonna lie. She would be a great spouse. She has the things I've been telling myself I've wanted in a wife since HS. I might not find another one like this.
Anyways, Friday I had a meeting with my boss. There's a lot to this story as well, but to sum it up, I felt like I was being lied to or something. I had been asked to edit some videos by the VP of marketing, and I sent a preview asking what I needed to change or add, and never heard back from him or the president of the company. Instead, Wednesday, they bring in a little 20 yr old soda jerk to make videos and borrow the cameras. I asked myself and a couple co workers.... "why aren't I the one making videos for the company?"
Who the fuck knows.
So, in this meeting I find out that the president of the company wasn't thrilled about my work so they got a guy to do it. No idea why. Still don't know why, but I'm told I'm not approachable and that's probably why. My boss was just kind of in awe of himself and why he let me get away with things. What things? Come in at 11:15? Who cares? Text you and miss another day of work when I have no way of coming home? Don't be an asshole. I put up with your shit for 3 years, and I've been a hostage of a corporation with an hourly wage with people that just wont "develop and foster (me) from within."
And I was just done. So I said a little prayer in my head asking if it was a good decision and I got a warm feeling in my chest and I resigned. Tired of the bull shizzm. Tired of feeling like I'm second rate, putting forth the effort, not getting any return from my efforts, and tired of the looming displeasure of my boss which I know is there. DONE. Don't ever call me un-loyal to the company. I threw myself on my sword for the training department.
I have no back up plan, but it doesn't matter. I'll figure something out. I know God has my back. I'm peaceful and happy.
During the past month or so, I've felt guided and led and protected and enabled. Mostly guided though. I've gained a lot of answers to prayers though searching and pondering and discussions with others. I feel like I'm in uncharted waters and I'm unnerved. Hopefully this next year will be a good busy year and we can make some movies and some money.
And avoid all the BS.
Update... the next day this wonder girl told me she didn't want to date me and would rather date this fitness model she is seeing. #ofcourse.
