I think the thing I struggle with the most is being accepted by people I know. I feel sooo lonely most of the time and I think it stems from being an only child and constantly trying to reach out to surround myself with people that care about me (which are few I guess). I have a base of people that I love and that seem to love me back. Then I have people I believe to be friends, who treat me like they love me when I am around, but when I am not, I never hear from them, even when I reach out to continue a friendship. Then there are those whom I know, who I don't put stock in because they could care less, and I guess I could too. Even my blog only has 3 followers, and two are obligated to follow cause if they don't... Well, nothing really. Only one comment on my blogs. This after I invited over 200 people to follow.
So, what is it about myself that repulses people? Do I come off too strong? Do I push everyone away? Why am I not part of the crowd?
Ok, so when I wrote that last question just now I kind of got glad in my heart because I am very different from the crowd. I am that black sheep in the corner most of the time. The difference between the black sheep and the crowd is the whole group is called "crowd" the other individual gets a cool name like "black sheep" (also a rap group in mid 90's).
Even if I am unique and I stand outside of the crowd for the rest of my life I will probably continue to be outcast, involuntarily, by others.
I just don't get it. It hurts, and it makes me sad.
Maybe I'll just give everyone a collection of 25 classic dvd's as a token of our relationship. :)
3 comments:
I am excited about the CD's coming my way! ;) Also I think people try to fit into your life more than you think but get pushed away. Just a thought? But I don't know.
I like our friendship, sorry I don't call more often. But I like that we can catch up as often as we do.
Meliss
Yeah, personally I wouldn't understand why you feel this way. I wish we lived around each other cause I think we'd have fun. I could be in your movies. But for now I guess we'll just fight the haters online.
More on this blog. Do you notice when people DO reach out to you? Do you make an effort to accept that hand of friendship?
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