My mind races and is hyperactive, and while I cannot change someones mind, I think I am a pretty reasonable person. I think I don't ask too much in being with me. But if I'm not your bag, Im not your bag I guess. Alana said you should just move on, but I want answers. I want to know who the dirt bag is. I want to know who the hell he is.
It would make perfect sense to me if it was no one, but it would also make perfect sense to me if it were her gay roommate that she was in love with, and didn't realize it. I've put the pieces of that together and it makes total sense.
I also want to know why she choses to not cope with her problems. This never made sense to me. I confront mine and I try and move past them, but when I asked her to go to counseling, she did, and then collectively mocked me with the therapist instead of working on her issues and moving past them. Its almost like she needs them so she can keep a wall up against men, so she can keep that grudge going, so she has an excuse to not get in a relationship so she can follow her acting career, so she always has an upper hand. Which turns out to just be a nuisance and a hinderance in the long run.
I dont understand why she drug me around so long. I don't understand why she wants to shake me off. I don't understand why she said "I have luck with everything but love" and she has love staring her in the face, begging to be with her, and she shoots it down. I don't understand who she is anymore and haven't since she graduated college. No one does. I don't think she even knows who she is, or what she stands for.
My heart is beaten and broken. I don't really know what to do at this point. I was convinced she was the one. I don't want my life with someone else. I have no other interest but her. I guess I'm just naive? Ignorant? I don't know. I guess.
I dont understand why she never reached out to touch me. I never understood why she didn't want me there for her birthday last year. I don't understand why she wouldn't deliver crutches to me after my leg was broken. I don't understand why she was so upset with me for ruining her evening when I hurt my leg.
I dont understand why she wont have faith in me.
and I don't understand why Im such a repulsive person.
3 comments:
What about the times she loved you and you were figuring out your own life, doing your own thing with other girls? Those times you broke HER heart? I am not discounting your pain, but from a girls point of view that WAITED for her guy to FIGURE THINGS OUT, I got tired of waiting for HIM to figure out who he was and what he wanted and then MOVED on. Just because you are ready now doesn't mean it should all line up NOW that it is finally convenient for YOU. All I am saying is that no one is perfect, either of you.
No one should spend time miserable about things you can't change about past decisions. But things will open up for you again, if you let them. Let this pain make you better. (easy to say, I know).
love you. good luck ;)it sucks ass . I know.
also you aren't repulsive. sorry you feel that way. yay for the puppy though!!!
well if she likes, she can leave her grievances on her blog, though I have apologized for those things, and have thoroughly explained myself, or at least I think I have. Im not discounting my own faults here. I know why she did what she did. And its my fault.
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