Perspective

A minute back I had a pretty rough day realizing my personal accomplishments are usually thwarted by a little minute flick of the wrist. I feel like I owe myself, and to everyone that was nice enough to reach out to me, a positives list. So here it be:

I was president of the drama club in HS. Why? I dunno. But I was. So that was cool.

I tried out for sports in HS. My freshman year I actually made the freshman squad. I practiced hard, played hard, and whenever I was put in I got fouled and shot free throws. (8th grade I got 2nd in a free throw competition) I usually made my freethrows so my playing time to points ratio was pretty outstanding. The coach was a dick and thought I didn't throw my back out during a game, thought I was faking it, also thought I was a problem kid because I brought a smoke bomb as a white elephant gift to the seminary white elephant gift exchange across the street and got suspended when the vice principal wouldn't tell me why I was being questioned and I got extremely pissed and slammed my backpack on her desk.. I had no idea my mom called them to go grab the gift away from me across the street from the school.

Anyways... If I'd continued on the team, I'd probably have never tried out for a school play, which has led me down the path that I'm on today.

Junior year I was psyched about soccer and potentially making varsity as I had payed JV the previous year with a great coach. I had taken a 2 week soccer training camp and my skills were pretty great. Probably the best they'd ever been. I didn't make the team. I barely made the team my senior year and sat bench most of the time but played my heart out. This has taught me a couple things... go full boar at things when you've been given a chance to do them. Hit it hard, put your heart into it. You may not get the results you want, but you will get results that echo for you in the future.

Whip Brawler: Though I had a mediocre computer and had to "borrow" a camera from work, I was able to make a movie for about $500. I didn't expect it to happen that way, but it did. I mostly begged, borrowed, and 'borrowed' everything for that movie and it was helped by some peeps on to Amazon Prime which has been cool to say to people. It took me about 30 hrs to do the closed captioning because my computer was so slow, but it got done and there it is.

In college I: Learned how to tap dance, sing, ballet, modern, sword fighting and bo staff, had my own morning radio show, got my hands on a camera and editing software for the first time, started doing improv, got an ACTF acting award, learned some of how to direct, got to travel to San Francisco, San Antonio, and Arizona. Met good friends, met really dramatic bad friends, and most of these while under considerable duress from having my heart broken and becoming an enemy of the theater college head and thus several students who picked a side for some reason.

Out of this mess, I was able to change colleges, receive a better education at WSU, cut almost all ties with people from WSU, and land at a SUU friends house right out of college during the recession.

My WSU days were not happy ones, but I was able to barely get though it, and it gave me perspective on millennials, which has been a real eye opener.

When I turned 31, I was exiled to the old persons singles ward for church. I was no longer welcomed with the 30 year olds. At the same time, the credit rating of the US was under threat.Time went by, politicans said that the world would end, and eventually... it did not. So my mind started to wander about leaders in politics, church, organizations and I wondered if what anyone was telling me was true. Grey areas started to appear and my world became more deep and understanding. So even though it was extremely tough to switch singles wards, a lot of wisdom came out of it.

Adopting a dog was interesting. While in Jackson Hole doing summer stock theater, I fell in love with a dog I was fostering named Senyor, A basenji mix that would wake me up in the morning by putting his paws on my chest and yodeling like basenjis do. When I went to adopt him, the granola lesbians at the shelter told me I couldn't because they thought I wouldn't have enough time for him, so they adopted him to a farmer in idaho. I was so pissed.

2 years later, I found Zoey on petfinder and I was dead broke. There was no way I could get her so I forgot about it. A month later I mysteriously received a life insurance policy check from my grandmother. My mom had taken out a policy on herself when she was 19 and it was forgot about. Suddenly I had enough money to get a dog. So I went online and searched again and emailed about Zoey again, without knowing I was asking the rescue about the same dog. Lo and behold it was meant to be, so I traveled to New Mexico and scooped her up.

A couple months later, Zoey got in to a fight with a golden retriever at the house I was staying at. She had a gash under her eye and really needed stitches, but I couldn't afford it, so I went on ksl to sell my bike to cover the cost. After posting photos, I looked and saw that there was a Jobs tab at the top, so I clicked on it and at the top of the list was a video job. so I threw a resume at it. 4 days later I was hired for my first part time video job! All of these occurrences are not a coincidence to me, and I owe it all to my Mom.

I served a full time mission for 2 years in dumpy PA, OH and WV areas. What I thought was the hardest 2 years of my life really were nothing. They were easy compared to how its been. I learned a lot about people I guess. I also learned that I'm miserable when I'm trying to be incredibly spiritual. I'm pretty miserable anyways, but to tack on so much guilt doesn't do me an ounce of good.

I could go on with this journal entry, though I think I'd rather just sum this up... All things have led me to the path I'm on today. I can't stand corporations or desk jobs, I have to be in a creative field that has plenty of variety. My arms are not long because I am not meant to play basketball or professional sports. I was a single child because my mom's head would've exploded with more than one kid and I turned out to be singular and specific. I am not general. I do not paint with broad strokes. I did not get married to devil women because they would've made me miserable. I am lucky to have freedom to pursue my career, though it a slow, very painful, lonely process.

Cheers to you. I hope you gain perspective in your life.