Dating past 30 is worthless in Mormon Culture

Dating past 30 yrs of age is worthless. In Utah and in mormon culture, you soon find out that since you have been getting asked to be married by the brethren and by God from an early age, that since you have not been married yet, you have mentally passed the point of being ready and looking. I, for one, am not excited in the least to date. I am not excited to kiss someone for the first time, not excited to get to know them, spend time with them, and go through the process over and over and over. I just dont want it.

Sure, I want kids, I would like to wake up next to the love of my life, but as of yesterday (saturday) I am not on the war path to make this happen.

Poor Utah. We dont drink, we dont go out for 1 night stands, we dont hit the night life where there is more potential in the outcome of the evening. We sit around, bbq, watch a movie and go home. Or, we go to church, have a dinner with friends, talk about why we are not married yet, then go home.

Or occasionally we find someone we are interested in, and they dont care because they are in the burned zone and they dont want to open up. Should you sit around and wait? Nope. Wait for that person? Nope. Schmucks do that. You must continue on... getting out there to bbq's, crashing movie parties, and not getting any phone numbers at the end of the evening, because no body really cares anymore.

Aint this the truth?!

Just skip February Please

Upon re-entry in to the real world, I have come to realize that, man things are tough. Its tough to not have enough cash. Its tough to let your self get hurt again. Its tough to be open and willing. Im pretty open to doing things. I like to experience stuff, but it seems most of the time, people are so caught up in their own stuff and their own little circle, that I don't get the opportunity to partake in the social atmosphere. Man this is such a freaking big struggle for me. Ugh!

Well, I have this girl that I like, though she told me she does not want to date me, we still talk and on occasion hang out, though I can feel enormous barriers that are in place. I think she is quite a quality individual. Much different than every single girl I've ever dated in several ways. But the fruit is verboten for now.

In the mean time I have to face the grim reality that I need to do some me work and not worry about the company of ladies all the time.

Blame me for wanting somebody to love? Foget you!

Year In Review #2

Wow 2010, you were a rough bitch. I thought that I cried enough in 2009, but 2010 was definitely the worst year I have ever had.

It was filled with getting my heart broken,

both my feet broken,

my glasses broken,

my bank broken,

my ego broken,

friendships broken,

hopes broken,

future plans broken,

trusts broken,

car broken,

password broken,

dogs eyelid broken,

creativity broken,

and a veritable plethora of other things being broken... I got bucked off a freakin horse!

But...

I rebuilt...

My creativity,

my dogs eyelid,

car,

some trust in OTHER DIFFERENT people,

reincarnated future plans,

hopes (no matter how weakly this flame flickers, its there regularly)

friendships,

bank...kinda,

and my feet rebuilt themselves.

No glasses yet, but hopefully soon.

I just hope to be able to continue to purge negativity out of my life, while bypassing the wantabee's and egotists and forge a strong and sure path towards doing things that are fulfilling and life enriching.

I want to hike more with my dog.

I want to finish my damn college degree.

I want to find a lover that will be mature and giving.

I want to celebrate holidays HARDER!

I want to make at least 4 films. At LEAST.

And I have to make 500,000 this year. I only have a year and a half to become a millionaire.

So giddyap!

Bloggamy

I am committing Bloggamy. Its dirty, nasty and nerdy all at the same time.

I miss the sunlight. I've been crying or on the verge of crying a lot lately. I must be emotional from not having any money to spare. I hate not having enough money. I work 6 days a week and still dont have enough. Life shouldn't be like this.

Zoey ate a whole batch of un-cooked rolls tonight. It really upset me because I was enjoying the spirit felt from church but it soon turned in to extreme anger. I went to dinner, and then fell asleep on Blakes couch after I got there. Me no likey be so emotional so often.

I think there are a lot of women to date out there. I think I come across them a lot but I am not sure if my heart recognizes it. Most of the time I still feel dead towards women, though I would like to have some of their company.

One girl I know doesn't want to play games and I think that that is impossible to do. It wont be fun if no games are played, and if you are waiting on signals, then nothing will happen because the game isn't going to be played.

I want enough money, thats all I want.

Im moving next week.

Polygamy

What would I be like as a polygamist?

I had really never thought of it before tonight. You hear all of these jokes like "Why would I want more than one wife? I can barely handle the one I have!"

But what if men of the church today were put in to that position?

Scenario: Christ comes. The earth burns up and you and me barely make the grade and are left on earth. Are there many people left? Are families starving because there is no father in the home anymore?

Well, I hope, if I were made to do this, that I would be a good father and a good husband and leader to all under my care. I like to think I would be a good leader and considerate of each wife that was entrusted to me. I don't think I would like to father any further children but with my original wife. I would hope we could all become a team, working toward a goal, understanding our individual responsibilities.

Anyways, it feels really weird talking like this. I don't like it. But it is a very interesting and abstract thought.

Life is Kung Fu

Life is Kung Fu according to Jackie Chan in the Karate Kid.......

yeah think about that one for a bit.

And yet again I want to turn over a new leaf of calmness and control.

I now will.

Eventually it eats...

Things I try and ignore dont bug me when brought up, but eventually thoughts penetrate my skull, burrow down into my cerebral cortex, feed upon brain matter, grow and metastasize until I am thoroughly bugged.

BUGGED! Then I cant get it out of my head. I just want to beat some ass!

My sense of right and wrong is very strong and the wisdom I have accumulated over the years adds to my nonsense detection. Few scenarios have not been nonsense since I have been in Utah the past 4 years. Currently, the one that burrows into my brain and grows, is explained by this one song with a catchy tune... And I dedicate it to the 2 people who just keep shooting their own reputation in the foot, with every hang out they have. Man, some people have no honor. Growing up is hard. But waiting for others to grow up around you is harder.

Peace out bitches!